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LGBTQ+ Resources

Dating Basics: What Should I Look For?

Shared from www.loveisrespect.org 

There are lots of different qualities that you might be attracted to in a person, physically, emotionally, intellectually, or otherwise. Every relationship is unique and it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new partner, whether they’re your first or just your favorite.

All relationships exist on a spectrum from healthy to unhealthy to abusive, and it’s important to know what to look for in a partner — both good and bad — to make sure you’re building a healthy relationship.

How healthy is my relationship?

A healthy partner encourages you to achieve your goals. They don’t resent your accomplishments or make you feel guilty for spending time with other people, and they aren’t excessively jealous. Ask yourself if:

  • Your partner respects you and your individuality.
  • You feel safe being open and honest with each other.
  • Your partner supports you and your decisions even when they disagree with you.
  • You and your partner have equal say and boundaries that are respected.
  • Your partner understands and respects your need to spend time with friends or family.
  • You can communicate your feelings without being afraid of negative consequences.

But my partner doesn’t physically hurt me…

Just because there’s no physical abuse in your relationship doesn’t mean that it’s healthy or that abuse isn’t occurring in other forms. It’s not healthy if:

  • Your partner is inconsiderate, disrespectful, or distrustful.
  • Your partner doesn’t communicate their feelings.
  • Your partner tries to control you or isolate you emotionally or financially.
  • Your partner humiliates you online or in front of your friends.
  • Your partner prevents you from getting a job or gets you fired.
  • Your partner threatens to out you or reveal information about you to your family or others.

When is it abuse?

The line between unhealthy and abusive behavior isn’t always clear, but abusive actions should never be written off as “normal.” No matter the situation, everybody deserves to be in a healthy relationship free from violence, and you should always take it seriously if there’s violence in your relationship.

If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, you may be confused about what to do or afraid of what will happen if you leave or tell others. If you’re physically or financially dependent on your partner, leaving might feel impossible. Remember: you always have options. Our advocates are available 24/7 to discuss your situation and help you make an informed decision that’s best for you. Learn more about identifying signs of abuse.

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  • Alert! Computer use can be monitored.

    Computer Safety

    WARNING!

    If you are being stalked or abused, take steps to keep your abuser from knowing you are looking for help. Please use a safer computer, or call 911, one of Delaware's local hotlines at 302-762-6110 for New Castle County or 302-422-8058 for Kent & Sussex Counties , or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

    EMERGENCY "QUICK ESCAPE" BUTTON

    There is a red Quick Escape button in the lower right-hand corner of every page on this website.
    Click this button if your abuser enters the room while you are viewing this website. It will close this website and redirect your browser to a neutral page.

    Clean up Your Online Path

    Internet Safety

    Everything you do online is recorded. It is IMPOSSIBLE to clear your tracks completely. Your computer stores hundreds of bits of information about everything you do with your computer, including information about which websites you've visited, your passwords, and what your emails say. An abuser can easily track the websites you visit or read your email messages.

    If you suspect your activities are being monitored, they probably are. Abusers are often controlling and want to know your every move. You don’t need to be a computer programmer or have special skills to monitor someone’s computer activities – anyone can do it and there are many ways to monitor your activities - even without having direct access to your computer. Using a separate computer is best, but you can protect yourself at home by familiarizing yourself with processes like private browsing, deleting your browser history, clearing your cache and deleting cookies.

    You can be tracked

    Your abuser can track your online actions – there is nothing you can do to remove your tracks completely. If you try to erase your tracks, your abuser might become suspicious.
    If you think you might be in danger, use a computer at a public library, internet cafe or a trusted friend’s house. If your abuser sends you email, do not open it on those computers.

    If you need help now, call 911 or the
    New Castle County Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-762-6110
    Kent & Sussex County Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-422-8058
    Kent & Sussex County Bi-lingual Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-745-9874
    US National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
    US National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
    US National Teen Dating Violence Helpline 1-866-331-9474

    Email Safety

    Email is not a safe or confidential way to communicate.

    Sending email is like sending a postcard through the mail. Anyone along the path can read what it says. If you need to talk to someone about the danger or abuse in your life, if possible, please call a hotline instead.

    If you must use email to discuss your situation we suggest you use an account that your abuser doesn't know about. Set up a new account with a free email service like hotmail, yahoo, or gmail.

    Password Safety

    Be smart about passwords to keep your abuser out of your accounts.

    DO NOT use a name or password that contains any identifying information (no names, nicknames, initials, birthdates, zipcodes, etc.) Instead use a name and password that contains a random mix of letters, CAPITAL letters and numbers (for example, HJ3v67Tn) -

    Make sure you can remember the user name and password. If you must write it down somewhere, put it in a place your abuser is unlikely to find it.

    If the computer asks if you would like it to save your password or login information tell it NO.

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