Skip to main content

LGBTQ+ Resources

How Can I Support Youth in an Unhealthy Relationship?

Katie Miller (she/her/hers)

DELTA Coordinator, Turning Point at People’s Place

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. While some people might think domestic violence only happens in adult relationships, this couldn’t be further from the truth. According to Love Is Respect, 1 in 10 high schoolers has been purposefully hit, slapped, or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend. That means every year, almost 1.5 million teens across the U.S. will experience physical dating violence. That’s far too many, especially since we know that experiencing dating violence at a young age can lead to an increased risk of further victimization by dating partners into adolescence and adulthood.

So, what can you do if a teen comes to you and discloses that they’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship?

1.  Believe them

First and foremost, thank them for trusting you enough to disclose their abuse and let them know that you believe them. Voicing concerns about a relationship  —especially an abusive relationship—can be overwhelming. Adding that stress on top of other stressors like balancing school, extracurriculars, and friendships can feel even more daunting. Assuring youth that they’re in a safe space to talk openly about their worries is the first step in helping them.

2.  Let them know they’re not alone

Again, dating violence among teens is a common issue. Let them know that they aren’t alone in this experience, and they don’t have to go through it alone. Hold their hand—literally or metaphorically—throughout the discussion and help them navigate pathways to safety together.

3.  Make a safety plan

That brings us to the next step: safety planning. Help the teen determine what places, situations, or people are safe or unsafe for them. Maybe their partner is in all of their classes, so it’s hard for them to discretely ask for help from teachers or other school staff. Maybe their partner tracks their location or demands to know where they are at all times, in which case creating a safety plan around technology would be helpful.

How can the teen stay safe at school, at home, during extracurriculars, and digitally? How can they stay safe both physically and emotionally? What trusted adults can they confide in? Is there a code word they can use when they’re in heightened danger and need help? These are the kinds of questions you’ll need to ask.

Let the teen think of the best way to safety plan for themselves. Remember: They’re the expert on their relationship and what’s safest for them. Allow them the choice to decide what they want to do.

Check out Love is Respect’s Teen Guide to Safety Planning for more helpful tips.

4.  Give them resources

Finally, provide youth with dating violence resources. Share brochures, hotline numbers, support group information, and any other materials that can help them find additional support. Domestic violence advocates are available to support survivors and refer them to the services they need.

REAL Relationships is a teen dating violence prevention program at Turning Point at People’s Place. We provide presentations and trainings to high school students, school staff and administrators, wellness center staff, and more all across Kent and Sussex Counties! We believe that everyone deserves to have healthy and safe relationships. Our approach is multifaceted but centers around the creation of protective social environments for teens and adolescents.

Intimate partner violence can affect anyone of any age, even teens. It’s important to know what to look out for and how to support the young people in your life who might be experiencing violence.

Want REAL Relationships to visit your school for a presentation or training? Check out some of our programming here!

Our Member Organizations

  • Alert! Computer use can be monitored.

    Computer Safety

    WARNING!

    If you are being stalked or abused, take steps to keep your abuser from knowing you are looking for help. Please use a safer computer, or call 911, one of Delaware's local hotlines at 302-762-6110 for New Castle County or 302-422-8058 for Kent & Sussex Counties , or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

    EMERGENCY "QUICK ESCAPE" BUTTON

    There is a red Quick Escape button in the lower right-hand corner of every page on this website.
    Click this button if your abuser enters the room while you are viewing this website. It will close this website and redirect your browser to a neutral page.

    Clean up Your Online Path

    Internet Safety

    Everything you do online is recorded. It is IMPOSSIBLE to clear your tracks completely. Your computer stores hundreds of bits of information about everything you do with your computer, including information about which websites you've visited, your passwords, and what your emails say. An abuser can easily track the websites you visit or read your email messages.

    If you suspect your activities are being monitored, they probably are. Abusers are often controlling and want to know your every move. You don’t need to be a computer programmer or have special skills to monitor someone’s computer activities – anyone can do it and there are many ways to monitor your activities - even without having direct access to your computer. Using a separate computer is best, but you can protect yourself at home by familiarizing yourself with processes like private browsing, deleting your browser history, clearing your cache and deleting cookies.

    You can be tracked

    Your abuser can track your online actions – there is nothing you can do to remove your tracks completely. If you try to erase your tracks, your abuser might become suspicious.
    If you think you might be in danger, use a computer at a public library, internet cafe or a trusted friend’s house. If your abuser sends you email, do not open it on those computers.

    If you need help now, call 911 or the
    New Castle County Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-762-6110
    Kent & Sussex County Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-422-8058
    Kent & Sussex County Bi-lingual Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-745-9874
    US National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
    US National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
    US National Teen Dating Violence Helpline 1-866-331-9474

    Email Safety

    Email is not a safe or confidential way to communicate.

    Sending email is like sending a postcard through the mail. Anyone along the path can read what it says. If you need to talk to someone about the danger or abuse in your life, if possible, please call a hotline instead.

    If you must use email to discuss your situation we suggest you use an account that your abuser doesn't know about. Set up a new account with a free email service like hotmail, yahoo, or gmail.

    Password Safety

    Be smart about passwords to keep your abuser out of your accounts.

    DO NOT use a name or password that contains any identifying information (no names, nicknames, initials, birthdates, zipcodes, etc.) Instead use a name and password that contains a random mix of letters, CAPITAL letters and numbers (for example, HJ3v67Tn) -

    Make sure you can remember the user name and password. If you must write it down somewhere, put it in a place your abuser is unlikely to find it.

    If the computer asks if you would like it to save your password or login information tell it NO.

Close Menu