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LGBTQ+ Resources

Stalking Safety Strategies

The information shared below is taken directly from SPARC. 

Stalkers can be unpredictable and dangerous. Whether in-person or through the use of technology, stalkers use a variety of strategies to invade the lives of their victims. Most stalkers use multiple tactics and can escalate their behavior(s) at any time.

You have no control over the stalker's behavior and are not responsible for what they do. However, it can be useful to think of steps you might take to keep yourself and loved ones safe. This process is called safety planning.

Though victims can make safety plans on their own, it is often helpful to work with a trained professional such as an advocate, victim assistance provider, or even a law enforcement officer. You can find these people in local domestic violence and rape crisis programs, victim assistance programs within state and county prosecutors' offices, and in police departments. For help locating someone trained in safety planning in your area, contact Victim Connect (855-4-VICTIM/855-484-2846).

The guidance below is intended for general informational purposes only and is not designed to replace a personalized safety plan created with the assistance of a professional. The suggestions below are also not exhaustive. You are the expert on your own life and you know best what options might be possible or feasible.

Safety Planning: Basic Considerations

•   Trust your instincts. Many victims of stalking feel pressured by friends or families to simply ignore the stalker's behavior or 'Just tell them off." Stalkers are dangerous and your fear is justified.

•   Your safety plan should evolve, change, and adapt as the stalking situation changes.

•    As much as possible, don't only plan around what has already happened - also think about what might happen next (for example, "if X happens, I will do Y")

•   Consider or try to anticipate how the stalker may react to any changes you may make, so you can further plan for your safety. Stalkers often escalate their behavior when the victim reacts (for example, if you block them on social media, they might start showing up at your home).

•   Victims must balance their need to live normal lives with their concerns over safety. Only you can decide what tradeoffs are realistic and appropriate for you.

General Safety Strategies - Consider:

•   Working with a local domestic violence shelter or victim services program to develop a safety plan.

•   Notifying the police, especially if you feel you are in any immediate danger. You can explain to the police why some actions that might seem harmless (like the stalker driving by your house or leaving you a gift) are causing you fear.

•   Ceasing any further communication with the stalker. Many stalkers perceive any contact, even negative contact, to be a reinforcement (more information on this below).

•   Keeping a log of every stalking incident including the date, time, what happened, and the names and phone numbers of any witnesses. Documentation is key to understanding the scope of the situation, safety planning, and/or holding the offender accountable. Access the log here.

•   Varying your daily routine periodically - routes to and from work/school, the grocery store, or other places you regularly go.

•   Telling your family, friends, and neighbors that you are being stalked and instruct them on what they should do if the stalker contacts them.

•   Seeking a protective order (For more help, contact VictimConnect, National Domestic Violence Hotline or RAINN)

Safety Planning: Stopping Communication with the Stalker

Consider cutting off any and all communication with the stalker.  Many stalkers misinterpret any contact (even negative contact) as encouragement.

Some victims feel that they should ensure the stalker knows that the contact is unwanted. If that is true for your situation, you may consider telling the stalker once - and only once - that you do not want any contact. After that, it is important to consider cutting all ties with the stalker, including not answering messages or calls.

Some examples of how to express your desire for no contact include:

•   "I am not interested in having a relationship with you. Do not contact me ever again."

•    "Do not call, stop by, text, or contact me in any way whatsoever."

•   "I do not want you to contact me in any way. If you continue to do so - or if you are on my property, or follow me - I will call the police."

•    "I am ending this relationship. I am not going to change my mind. Do not contact me again. I do not want to have any communication with you, in any form. If you try to contact me, I will call the police/take legal action."

While disengagement is advisable, it is not always possible or realistic to cease all communication. Some victims feel safer by communicating with their stalkers to gain information on the stalker's mood and plans. Some victims must maintain contact with their stalker due to shared custody of their children. It is important to understand how continued contact can impact an order of protection or a criminal case, so please discuss this with the professional who is assisting you with your safety planning.

Safety Planning Resources - Hotlines and Live Chat Available to Connect you to Local Resources

•           VictimConnect

•           RAINN

•           National Domestic Violence Hotline

Documentation Log

•           SPARC

Safety Planning Around Technology

•           Safety Net

Our Member Organizations

  • Alert! Computer use can be monitored.

    Computer Safety

    WARNING!

    If you are being stalked or abused, take steps to keep your abuser from knowing you are looking for help. Please use a safer computer, or call 911, one of Delaware's local hotlines at 302-762-6110 for New Castle County or 302-422-8058 for Kent & Sussex Counties , or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

    EMERGENCY "QUICK ESCAPE" BUTTON

    There is a red Quick Escape button in the lower right-hand corner of every page on this website.
    Click this button if your abuser enters the room while you are viewing this website. It will close this website and redirect your browser to a neutral page.

    Clean up Your Online Path

    Internet Safety

    Everything you do online is recorded. It is IMPOSSIBLE to clear your tracks completely. Your computer stores hundreds of bits of information about everything you do with your computer, including information about which websites you've visited, your passwords, and what your emails say. An abuser can easily track the websites you visit or read your email messages.

    If you suspect your activities are being monitored, they probably are. Abusers are often controlling and want to know your every move. You don’t need to be a computer programmer or have special skills to monitor someone’s computer activities – anyone can do it and there are many ways to monitor your activities - even without having direct access to your computer. Using a separate computer is best, but you can protect yourself at home by familiarizing yourself with processes like private browsing, deleting your browser history, clearing your cache and deleting cookies.

    You can be tracked

    Your abuser can track your online actions – there is nothing you can do to remove your tracks completely. If you try to erase your tracks, your abuser might become suspicious.
    If you think you might be in danger, use a computer at a public library, internet cafe or a trusted friend’s house. If your abuser sends you email, do not open it on those computers.

    If you need help now, call 911 or the
    New Castle County Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-762-6110
    Kent & Sussex County Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-422-8058
    Kent & Sussex County Bi-lingual Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-745-9874
    US National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
    US National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
    US National Teen Dating Violence Helpline 1-866-331-9474

    Email Safety

    Email is not a safe or confidential way to communicate.

    Sending email is like sending a postcard through the mail. Anyone along the path can read what it says. If you need to talk to someone about the danger or abuse in your life, if possible, please call a hotline instead.

    If you must use email to discuss your situation we suggest you use an account that your abuser doesn't know about. Set up a new account with a free email service like hotmail, yahoo, or gmail.

    Password Safety

    Be smart about passwords to keep your abuser out of your accounts.

    DO NOT use a name or password that contains any identifying information (no names, nicknames, initials, birthdates, zipcodes, etc.) Instead use a name and password that contains a random mix of letters, CAPITAL letters and numbers (for example, HJ3v67Tn) -

    Make sure you can remember the user name and password. If you must write it down somewhere, put it in a place your abuser is unlikely to find it.

    If the computer asks if you would like it to save your password or login information tell it NO.

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