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LGBTQ+ Resources

Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month

Stephanie Rodriguez, LCSW, DVS, DELTA Impact Project Supervisor & Domestic Violence Therapist

February 2020

Every February across the United States, teens and those who support them join together for a national effort to raise awareness for teen dating violence. Teen dating violence (which may also be referred to as teen dating abuse) means physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, or technological conduct by a person to harm, threaten, intimidate, or control that dating partner, regardless of whether that relationship is current or has concluded. Abuse may include insults, coercion, social sabotage, sexual harassment, reproductive coercion, threats and/or acts of physical or sexual violence.

Dating violence and sexual assault disproportionately affect teens and young adults. Moreover, hundreds of thousands of young people are experiencing dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking every year. Additionally, the burden of teen dating violence is not shared equally across all groups. Sexual minority groups and some racial/ethnic groups are excessively affected by all forms of violence.

How do we continue to support Teen Dating Violence Awareness?                                            

First, this means we must continue empowering and educating our Delawarean youth. During the pre-teen and teen years, it is critical for youth to begin to learn the skills needed—such as effectively managing feelings and using healthy communication— to create and foster healthy relationships. Every person deserves a safe and healthy relationship, no matter how young/old they are or who they love.

Second, this means we must continue to educate our(adult)selves! Yes, I said it, we (adults) are not the all-knowing. We must not fall into the rabbit hole of absolute thinking and assume that our youth are transfixed only by uncontrollable impulses, constant “bad” behavior, and that their emotions can only be considered as “immature.” Rather, to be successful in our prevention work and education with young people, we must understand a particular condition of youth: that young people are often disrespected, and unheard simply because they are young. Consider how the following comments are essentially disrespectful. What are the assumptions behind each of them? Do you remember having heard any of these as a younger person? Or remember having said them?

  • “You’re so smart for fifteen!”     
  • “When are you going to grow up?”
  • “Oh, it’s only puppy love.”                         
  • “What do you know? You haven’t experienced anything!”
  • “It’s just a stage, you’ll grow out of it.”
  • “Just listen to me, I know what’s best for you.”

Now while some may argue these comments might be appropriate in a different context, they are, unfortunately, most often an example of how we deny youth a right to their own agency, voice, and respect. We cannot expect our youth to be excited and engaged when we show up to discuss serious matters, such as teen dating violence, without first having addressed some of our own values and beliefs. Particularly, on youths’ rights and how we perceive their intimate relationships. We simply cannot effectively represent or advocate for a population we don’t fully listen to or respect.

Adolescents must lead this work! However, we have the critical role to help create safe spaces so they can feel free to use their powerful voices on issues that directly affect them.

Third, we must spread the word on the prevalence of teen dating violence. Falling short in beliefs that teen dating violence is not happening with my child or in my home, school, or community is a very dangerous falsehood. These kinds of beliefs foster silence on vital educational and connective conversations we should be having with our youth (not at). Supporting the development of healthy, respectful, and nonviolent relationships has the potential to reduce the occurrence of teen dating violence and prevent its harmful and long-lasting effects on our youth, their families, and our Delaware communities.

Finally, a few best practices for talking to a teen about dating abuse:

  • Be a good listener
  • Take them seriously
  • Support and validate
  • Don’t blame or accuse
  • Empower by giving options not orders

“Even if people are still very young, they shouldn’t be prevented from saying what they think.” -Anne Frank

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  • Alert! Computer use can be monitored.

    Computer Safety

    WARNING!

    If you are being stalked or abused, take steps to keep your abuser from knowing you are looking for help. Please use a safer computer, or call 911, one of Delaware's local hotlines at 302-762-6110 for New Castle County or 302-422-8058 for Kent & Sussex Counties , or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

    EMERGENCY "QUICK ESCAPE" BUTTON

    There is a red Quick Escape button in the lower right-hand corner of every page on this website.
    Click this button if your abuser enters the room while you are viewing this website. It will close this website and redirect your browser to a neutral page.

    Clean up Your Online Path

    Internet Safety

    Everything you do online is recorded. It is IMPOSSIBLE to clear your tracks completely. Your computer stores hundreds of bits of information about everything you do with your computer, including information about which websites you've visited, your passwords, and what your emails say. An abuser can easily track the websites you visit or read your email messages.

    If you suspect your activities are being monitored, they probably are. Abusers are often controlling and want to know your every move. You don’t need to be a computer programmer or have special skills to monitor someone’s computer activities – anyone can do it and there are many ways to monitor your activities - even without having direct access to your computer. Using a separate computer is best, but you can protect yourself at home by familiarizing yourself with processes like private browsing, deleting your browser history, clearing your cache and deleting cookies.

    You can be tracked

    Your abuser can track your online actions – there is nothing you can do to remove your tracks completely. If you try to erase your tracks, your abuser might become suspicious.
    If you think you might be in danger, use a computer at a public library, internet cafe or a trusted friend’s house. If your abuser sends you email, do not open it on those computers.

    If you need help now, call 911 or the
    New Castle County Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-762-6110
    Kent & Sussex County Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-422-8058
    Kent & Sussex County Bi-lingual Domestic Violence Hotline: 302-745-9874
    US National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
    US National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
    US National Teen Dating Violence Helpline 1-866-331-9474

    Email Safety

    Email is not a safe or confidential way to communicate.

    Sending email is like sending a postcard through the mail. Anyone along the path can read what it says. If you need to talk to someone about the danger or abuse in your life, if possible, please call a hotline instead.

    If you must use email to discuss your situation we suggest you use an account that your abuser doesn't know about. Set up a new account with a free email service like hotmail, yahoo, or gmail.

    Password Safety

    Be smart about passwords to keep your abuser out of your accounts.

    DO NOT use a name or password that contains any identifying information (no names, nicknames, initials, birthdates, zipcodes, etc.) Instead use a name and password that contains a random mix of letters, CAPITAL letters and numbers (for example, HJ3v67Tn) -

    Make sure you can remember the user name and password. If you must write it down somewhere, put it in a place your abuser is unlikely to find it.

    If the computer asks if you would like it to save your password or login information tell it NO.

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